Jesus walks into a bar…

8 04 2007

If you were after a lively/entertaining read, please go to my earlier posts. The Sacrilicious one is my personal favourite. This post and the previous one were done in a hurry and are not particularly in depth or astute on my part. Interesting articles though…

This was an interesting article appearing in the Sydney Morning Herald yesterday, cashing in on the timeliness of Easter and current interest in Christianity due to the widespread celebration of this Christian festival. In the print edition of the paper, it appeared as a huge feature, headlining the News Review section for those familiar with the format of the weekend herald.

Highlights of the article below. For full text, follow this link.

‘JESUS asked his mates to stay with him, but they got pissed and fell asleep, the bloody bastards.” As an account of the disciples’ failure in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before Jesus was crucified, it may lack the poetry and majesty of the King James Bible. But the 22 street people in a dingy city basement get the point powerfully.

This rather loose Bible reading from Matthew 26 by a young church worker, Virginia Moebus, is part of a weekly gathering in Credo Cafe, run by Urban Seed in Melbourne, a Baptist Church outreach to homeless and drug-addicted city dwellers.

Most of these people would never set foot in church, but they come faithfully to the gathering, followed by the free lunch served every day. “People see it like their living room, especially if they are on the street. It’s somewhere they can come and sit down and be warm and safe,” Moebus says.

But it’s more than that.

It is solace, spiritual comfort, connection. They sing confidently during the service, accompanied by an extremely competent bongo drummer, and talk freely about the Bible reading.

They are part of an extraordinarily diverse and fast-growing Christian movement catering to the multitudes who reject the institutional church but want to follow its founder, Jesus Christ.

So far, so good. But wait and see what the venerable King Jensenite has to say on the matter…

At the 2004 Anglican general assembly, the Sydney Archbishop, Peter Jensen, spoke about reaching niche groups reluctant to go to church. “There’s a group of lawyers who meet every Tuesday evening in a Sydney cafe for Bible study,” he said. “They don’t know they’re Anglicans yet – we’ll tell them when the time comes.”

Before reading this article, I may have strongly disagreed with some of Jensen’s proclamations, but respected his considerable intellect and passion. Now I have been forced to have second thoughts…

OK, news values, here we come:

* Timeliness – Um, Easter

* Novelty – Whilst not an entirely novel idea (The early Christian church was started with small meetings around meals in people’s homes) this would still be considered by most as a pretty unusual way of worshipping

* Proximity – it’s from the Sydney Morning Herald and about what’s going on in Sydney. Voila.


The saga continues (Choccy Christ Commentary)

2 04 2007

And now for some serious commentary…

This event was pretty widely covered, both in news media and significantly in blogging circles. It seems everyone has an opinion about the artistic credit and/or sacrilegiousness (yes, it is a word) of the Chocolate Jesus. You never know, that could be why we call it art… Still, best to withdraw it from the public eye before we get too much intelligent debate going on!

On 8/4/07, the Canberra Times reported Canberra ahead of the trend when it comes to chocolate Jesus. As Canberra is not known for being the most progressive city in the world, this headline must have been cause for quite a celebration! But seriously, it was a pretty funny article about a similar sculpture produced by local Richard Manderson 13 years ago.

A recent life-sized chocolate sculpture of Jesus caused fury in Manhattan, but Canberra had a chocolate Christ 13 years ago. The nude, anatomically correct sculpture in New York came under further fire when the artist joked people should eat it. But a 1994 photo of Civic near the ACTION terminal shows a crowd of 150 about to munch on a life-sized chocolate crucifix. Canberra’s maker of chocolate Christs, Richard Manderson, was then a philosophy student. He said there was less outcry in Canberra, perhaps because he used Easter egg foil for a loincloth on his statue. ”I think religion is slightly different in Australia from America for one thing,” he said.

No s*%t, Sherlock. I think this contributes to the interest of the story – the issue of the influence wielded by the “religious right” in the USA. Although I’m sure there are many Aussies who would have a similar reaction of abhorrence to the artwork, I really don’t think Australians would be as unreserved about their beliefs.

US Newsweek reported a great quote from Cavallaro, the artist/sculptor, in its article: Belief Watch: Sweet Jesus

The artist himself insists there’s nothing X-rated in his conception, although “I can’t stop people from thinking that way.” Having grown up in a house where crucifixes hung above beds, Cavallaro imagines that Christians took offense because his Christ was “perishable and palatable … It made [Jesus] a real man.”

Montreal Gazette meanwhile says in its uber-long titled article: Critics raise hell over chocolate Jesus; in a bittersweet tale of what is art and what is not, a former Montrealer has suffered death threats and workplace exile

“I’m as good as I can be,” Cavallaro said Thursday from SoHo. “It hurts in the stomach. It’s been disgusting to see people’s reactions.”

After receiving death threats, he had to move out of his Brooklyn apartment. He had already been exiled from his workspace and vilified in the tabloids by New York’s Cardinal Edward Egan, who called the work “a sickening display.”

“All I’m saying is, Jesus is alive,” Cavallaro said. “He’s a man. You can smell him, touch him, taste him. I didn’t see it as offensive, and I still don’t.”

For the record, Cavallaro was raised Catholic, although he is non-practising. He believes critics have assailed him not because the statue is obscene or hateful, but because “it’s too real. It’s not metaphysical. My goal was that it would melt – the body decomposes and all that’s left is the spirit

Quite profound really.

By contrast, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette‘s Catholics Outraged by Chocolate Jesus offers a fairly condemning report, not giving the artist a chance to defend himself until toward the end of the 491 word story, giving priority space instead to comments such as these:

“It’s an all-out war on Christianity,” fumed William Donohue, a former sociology professor at La Roche College who is now president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights. “They wouldn’t show a depiction of Martin Luther King Jr. with genitals exposed on Martin Luther King Day, and they wouldn’t show Muhammed depicted this way during Ramadan. It’s always Christians, and the timing is deliberate.”

Dominick Bria, a Connecticut resident visiting St. Patrick Cathedral yesterday, bristled at the concept. “It’s disgusting,” he said. “Whoever is doing it is really sick.”

Maria Localio, 45, agreed. “It doesn’t take into account the religious sensitivities of other people,” she said.

Others said they didn’t mind the sculptor’s choice of material, but were offended by the nudity. “He’s not wearing any clothes at all,” said Debbie Charan, 40. “Why would they want to do something like that?”

Other coverage ranges from the radical to the cynical, but all of the coverage manages to sneak in a fair portion of conflict.

Which brings us to… *drum roll*

News Values

* CONFLICT – Big time. Christianity vs Secularism, Church doctrine vs Art, Suppression of Freedom of Expression etcetera etcetera

* Timeliness – Just after the events had occurred, and also during Holy Week

* Currency – Church’s influence in society is always worth a mention. Also around Easter time, so lots of articles about on Christianity and the meaning of Easter etc.

* The Unusual/Novelty – Hello, it’s a sculpture of Jesus made entirely out of chocolate… How much more novelty value could it get?

Sacrilicious? The furore of the Chocolate Christ

1 04 2007

What am I? I will give the worthy traveller these fine clues three…

Clue 1: I’m chocolate, big and sacred (but this is not me…)

Chocolate Buddah

Clue 2: Nor is this, but getting closer…

Chocolate Chicken

Clue 3: Closer still is is this miraculous Mary formed by dripping chocolate. Neat, huh? It’s truly a sign from above. But it’s not me.

Chocolate Mary the Miracle

No, no, no. The wait is over. This is me. Voici la Chocolat le Christ…


Choc Christ with Nutrition Information

Who would have thought a chocolate sculpture of the divine could prompt death threats. Death threats, that is, from Christians who, by all accounts, attest to believing in a Christ who advocated love above all things. An interesting little paradox emerging there. Apparently the problem was not only the blatancy of the “attack” on Christianity in general during Holy Week, but the visibility of the Lord’s genitalia. Here I was thinking He was a man. WRONG. He was actually one of those funky god/man hybrids who, when disrobed, rather resemble a dismembered statue. You know the ones with fig leaves in place of genitals. Weird, huh?!?

The controversy, described by the head of the Catholic League (that’s right, the Catholic League – HUWAH) as “one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities eva*,” erupted when “My Sweet Lord”, an anatomically detailed sculpture of Jesus was unveiled this week in New York. I mean, seriously, it’s got to be right up there with the crusades dude. The 1.8 metre high masterpiece, crafted entirely out of milk chocolate, is Cosimo Cavarallo’s latest large-scale artwork. Quite a feat I feel to actually carve that much chocolate. Let alone then have it hold together while being transported and hung up. The man deserves a medal. It’s also quite a step up from some of his previous efforts which include covering a room of the Washington Jefferson hotel in New York with cheddar cheese. And all in the name of art.

The director of the gallery where the Christ was to be installed, Matt Semmler, announced that neither he nor the artist had intended to offend by creating and showing the artwork.

“For me this is … a place of reverence and meditation – that’s why I chose the piece. This is not intended to be disrespectful.”

In the end, anyway, the religious right won over and the exhibit was withdrawn. Only after the Catholic League made further statements which implied that the artist should be thankful he was not dealing with Muslims. Those damn feisty Muslims. The Guardian reports:

Bill Donahue, president of the Catholic League, said the work was a direct assault on Christians. “All those involved are lucky that angry Christians don’t react the way extremist Muslims do when they’re offended.”

That the work of an internationally renowned artist can be pulled from a gallery in Manhattan – arguably the most liberal city in the US – is an indication of the power that organised religion wields within the country.

My personal belief is that the real ruckus was due more to the correctness of the colour of Jesus rather than the materials or anatomy… Not just the abhorrent brown skin, but the conspicuous-only-by-its-absence flowing blonde wig. What an insult to Western sensibilities!

Even Tom Waits has weighed in on the debate, penning a moving song Chocolate Jesus. Profound lyrics include the following:

Well it’s got to be a chocolate Jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate Jesus
Keep me satisfied

And meanwhile, other sanctified culinary masterpieces throwing the nation into controversy…

It’s bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. And it ain’t no hollaback Jeeze.

* OK, I admit it. I changed the spelling to make it sound more gangsta-style. I’m sure I was capturing the original intention of the statement…

Get hydrated with a Higher Power

28 03 2007

Holy water…

An interesting article emerged in the Montreal Gazette, among other news sources, over the weekend detailing the release of a new series of Holy Water products available for purchase over the internet and delivered to your home. All with a sin-cleansing guarantee.

Here are the three main front runners on the water-front of the lucrative godly goods market, big business which is forecast to generate $9.5 billion by 2010…

California based Holy Drinking Water

This is the brainchild of California businessman, Brian Germann, who self-professedly “thought people should have something like Holy Water that they could drink and consume and it would help protect them from the devil.” The contents have been blessed by clergy and, according to the label, can cause “burning, intense heat, sweating, skin irritations, rashes, itchiness, vomiting, bloodshot and watery eyes, pale skin colour and oral irritations” when imbibed by those who are “evil in nature.” However, several Catholic authorities disapprove of shopping for salvation, or in church jargon “simony”, as they see this as an abhorrent commercial venture similar to the indulgences sold by their own denomination back in the day of Martin Luther. How could they say such a thing?!?

Holy Drinking Water now has an online donation facility where, due to popular demand, customers can now donate Holy Drinking Water TM to troops in Iraq “for spiritual support and to boost heir spirits.”

Holy Bottled Water

Alberta based Holy Bottled Water (Yes, the photo shows the actual packaging of the beverage… Subtle, me thinks)

Alas, it is not just the bible-belt US cashing in on Jesus. Canadian Holy Bottled Water has also jumped on the bandwagon, labelling their produce with a lovely biblical proverb and caliming to have been “produced by man under the inspiration of God.” Since they’ve just finished extolling the virtues of the Rocky Mountain springs from whence the water came, I am a little puzzled as to where the “production” side really comes in. Let alone the “inspired” production.
Finally, and most hilariously…

Holy Spring Water

OK, I admit this one is not actually a serious company. The satisfaction guarantee on their website (worth a visit for some fine hilarity) reads:

Of the thousands of bottles that we have sold, we have only had a handful of returns, and no one has gone to hell. Our goal is to make our customers happy and free from the guilt of venial sin… Finally, and most importantly, that if you drink our water and follow the directions carefully, we guarantee that you will NOT GO TO HELL.

The FAQ section gives details ranging from the thermodynamics of hell to the punishment awaiting Bill Gates upon his arrival down below. Upon trying to order some of the brew, one is greeted with the message:

Your order has been placed, the confirmation number is 5551212.

God knows everything, so we don’t need your address and we don’t need your credit card number.

Thank you for your order.

However, whilst this site parodies the legitimate salvation product companies (which, amusingly, it also hosts ads for) it’s exaggeration is not really all that far from the truth, and it serves as a pretty convincing hoax.

And just in case some of you sinners out there were thinking of trying the stuff…

Vomiting SinnerSweating SinnerIrritated Sinner


All of the articles I read about this topic seemed to take a very light approach to the telling of the story. Clearly the news value most prevalent is the unusual or novelty value of the story. This is, at best a silly, light and amusing tale. At worst, it shows the utter tragedy of the commercialisation rife in contemporary society, particularly in America.